Getting Married, Know what a Women wants

What Does a Women Want?

I am surprised by level of ignorance of men who are getting married about what follows. I am not going to talk much about the intellectual part of it and would try to focus on the physical part. First and foremost the question to be asked is “Am I up to it”.

Congratulations you are getting married and if you have had sex in past without any problem, then possibly there is nothing to worry. Things will be well. But if you have not had sex, ensure that the foreskin of your penis goes slides back exposing the glans (cap of the penis) effortlessly and without any discomfort. If that has never happened if your life, you need to consult a urologist. Sometimes the foreskin can be tight and it might not be possible to pull it back, a condition called phimosis. It might be painful to pull it back. However, during intercourse the sensation of pleasure is so overwhelming that one doesn’t feel the pain and the skin slides back and can get stuck in the groove at proximal end of cap (called corona). It is imperative that after sex you bring the foreskin back to its usual location. It the skin is not coming back, boy you are in trouble. This condition is called paraphimosis. Visit a local doctor and get the skin back to its normal position. If this is not done in a reasonable amount of time, the blood supply to the cap gets cut down and it gets damaged.

I treated one patient who came with severe paraphimosis. His skin had been stuck for past 5 days. Upon asking why he didn’t come earlier, he revealed that he had gone for honeymoon abroad. While having sex for the first time, his foreskin got stuck. He showed to a local doctor who was unable to diagnose it. He couldn’t have sex for the rest of honeymoon and remained suffering with pain. After he came to me, I reduced the foreskin and the swelling subsided. So ensure that to and fro movement of foreskin is free and effortless.

Making the first impression

I am sure if you have got married, you are able to achieve prompt hard erection upon getting excited or else you would have visited a sexologist already. When a man has sex for the first time, he may get disappointed with himself as men initially tend to come too soon. God has created women more powerful in this area where man lacks strength that he so much desires. To add to the embarrassment god has physiologically added some refractory period to a man’s sexual cycle. That means once a man has had his orgasm, erection will not happen immediately. It may take 15 minutes to 2-3 hours. The period varies from person to person. After this period one will be ready for another session. If someone wants to make a good first impression, there are certain dietary interventions, exercises and safe and effective medicines to increase sexual stamina. The medicines are harmless and not habit forming.

What a woman wants?

I don’t know frankly. The honeymoon is first socially acceptable trip for sex. That being the highlight, spend some quality time together, discuss your past experiences, families, life, future or anything that is your common interest. As far as women’s sexual desires are concerned let me give you some tips. Do you know how a female masturbates? Most of the people think it is done by poking some object or finger into the vagina. It may be true for some female but majority of them achieve orgasm by rubbing the clitoris. Do you know what is clitoris? In a male body there are remnants of female body parts albeit rudimentary. You have something that corresponds to female vagina, uterus. Similarly in females body the part that corresponds to a man’s penis is clitoris. It is a highly sensitive tissue very rich in nerves.

As you can see the clitoris is away from the vagina. During sex one penetrates the vagina with penis and strokes. During this act there is minimum stimulation of clitoris. Almost 75% of females are unable to achieve their orgasm with normal penetrative sex. It doesn’t matter how long you do it, or how well equipped you are. So, during sex to make your partner happy, stay long enough and add variety to her sexual stimulation. Don’t jump to penetrative sex and spend a good time in foreplay. During sex if you feel that you are  going to come and partner has not finished yet, take the penis out and do some stimulation of vagina which may involve touching, putting a finger and stroking, rubbing the clitoris. While doing this ensure that your nails have been trimmed and filed so that there are no sharp edges. Ensure good lubrication and apply gentle pressure on clitoris while rubbing and don’t press it too hard. If you are not averse to oral sex you can perform oral sex also by kissing the inner thigh, vagina and gradually proceed to rubbing the clitoris with your tongue. Once your partner is satisfied you may also proceed to finish. Ask her what she likes and dislikes and act accordingly.

The sexual frequency is tailored according to need and desires of couple and there is no minimum frequency at which you should engage in intercourse.

The time for which each act lasts also varies from person to person. Important thing is to make the time when you engage in coitus count. There are a few tricks to make the act last a bit longer. They include:

Decrease sensitivity of glans: This way the stimulation decrease. It can be done by applying some desensitising creams on glans or by wearing long last condoms during sex.

During sex don’t contract pelvic muscles too hard. Just penis has to remain hard and rest of body should be relaxed.

During sex, follow the technique of stop start. During sex if you feel you are going to ejaculate, stop stroking. Take a pause and start stroking again once you feels you can hold on. During pause you may withdraw the penis and engage in foreplay.

If you feel that now you can’t stop the ejaculation from happening, withdraw the penis from the vagina and squeeze the cap of penis hard. Keep the pressure for a few seconds. Once you think that you are under control, after pause of a minute start again. With this technique, you would be able to stop ejaculation 50% of times.

Diversion: That means during sex the body is engaged in sex, but the mind should be diverted away from it. So, think of something else during sex that is mentally engaging.

So you are getting married and thinking what crap is this? It is so unnatural. Well remember it’s not just about you, we are discussing what a woman wants.    

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